Bushwood Country Club Denied Certification in Audubon Cooperative Sanctuary Program

BUSHWOOD, IL – Bushwood Country Club has been denied its request to be designated as a “Certified Audubon Cooperative Sanctuary” through the Audubon Cooperative Sanctuary Program for Golf. The nonprofit organization, Audubon International, which promotes sustainable practices for businesses, resorts, communities, and developments worldwide, denied Bushwood’s request for certification citing major documentation deficiencies, regulatory violations, and the illegal use of military explosives in their resource management practices.

Tara Pepperman, Director of Cooperative Sanctuary Programs at Audubon International, stated that several violations led to the decision. “I examined their shoreline buffers, irrigation practices, herbicide and fertilizer use, turf management, and, most importantly, their wildlife management practices. Not only did they not meet any of our environmental stewardship standards or best practices, they appear to be violating at least one state law on controlled substances.” “Not only was there very little native habitat for small mammals such as mice, squirrels, voles, moles, or even chipmunks, they have no evidence of a single animal on the course despite previously having a very active gopher population at the site assessment,” said Pepperman.

Assistant groundskeeper Carl Spackler responded, “Well, I do have a license to kill gophers from the government of the United Nations.”

However, among the greatest violations, which Audubon International has brought to the attention of FBI, ATF, and SPCA officials, was the use of highly questionable rodent and varmint control eradication methods. Trace elements of caustic and explosive C4 was revealed in water testing samples, and was additionally found on tees, greens, and fairways along with several large craters. 

Former club president Judge Smails exclaimed, “This is an outrage. I demand satisfaction!” When pressed by Audubon International and EPA officials to submit a new turf management plan, Judge Smails rebuffed them, stating, “You’ll get nothing, and like it.”

Audubon International claims its decision was based on science-based evidence, including the multiple crater-like holes in the turf.

“Heck, even Ben Hogan didn’t leave a divot that big,” said Pepperman.

The organization’s staff did not address member complaints regarding other questionable resort conditions, including overcrowding in the pool, loud music, lascivious behavior in the clubhouse, and the bizarre bare stems in the garden flower beds.Audubon International has forwarded its findings to public officials.

The Attorney General immediately called for a bipartisan investigation, stating, “Look, Judge Smails is a close personal friend. Heck, he gave me a scholarship to college. I mean, I love golf, but they pulled a real noonan.”